Kris Kringle Wins GOP Trump Debate

Despite the fact that only two “official” candidates participated, Kris Kringle was the real winner in the republican presidential debate on Tuesday night. Ivanka Trump, producer of the “Donald Trump Presents the Newsmax Ion 2011 Trump Debate,” said metrics collected after the show put Kringle head and shoulders above Gingrich and the other guy.

Despite initial media hoopla, the majority of Republican candidates decided to skip the affair, leaving only Newt Gingrich and that other fellow. Most pundits predicted Newt would be the winner after he boasted earlier that Trump has a great ass, and he likes to kiss it. “We see eye-to-eye,” Newt bragged. “But it’s usually my eye to his red eye.”

It seemed this would be the case when Trump directed his first question to Rick Santorum: "Who are you?” asked the Donald.

It was then that Kringle interrupted, saying that Trump could get a better haircut at Gimbels. "And you’ll save money, too!” added Kringle.

At that point, neither Gingrich nor Santorum dared to question Kringle’s claim of being the “real Santy Claus” for fear of alienating voters. But moderator Trump thought Kringle was crazy.

"How many fingers am I holding up?” asked Trump.

"Three,” replied Kringle, correctly.